Resolutions for 2014...what I say and what I mean!

2014...
...back in Japan and having thought about it a bit, I'm now ready to type up my New Year's resolutions. 

Below are the promises that I shared with my family the other day. 

The difference is, I didn't tell them what I really meant by these things.

So let's look at some of my (and indeed the world's most common) New Year resolutions, but, (copying the recent trend for "What I say/ What I mean" memes) presented for your reading pleasure with their real meaning!

1. "I'm going to improve my diet..." 

" ...by spending less money on food, I will have more to spend on models!"

• No white sugar. 
• No alcohol Monday - Thursday
• Smaller lunch.
• Drink more water, and less coffee from coffee shops.

2. "...go to bed earlier..."

 "...I'll be in bed at 1.30 am rather than 1.45!! I still have another set of Space Marine lenses to paint!"

Hopefully though, the more alert and awake I am the chances of my not making terrible tactical mistakes (or forgetting how to use my armies properly) will decrease."

3. "...get more exercise..."

"...you go ahead - I'm staying in to finish up this unit of 40 Skaven. Oh and pass me another beer from the fridge before you go. "

Although I should note that walking improves circulation to the brain, resulting in more creativity. In other words, walking 30 minutes every day, 5 days a week gives me 2.5 hours of calculating how I can avoid paying my kids their pocket money so I can spend it on more models.

4. "...be more decisive..."

"...Tonight I will paint that drop pod - wait, maybe it should be the Dreadnought?"

I really need to decide which models to paint. Also, rather than having a deep inner battle the night before a game about which units to field, I should make some early decisions about army composition that will help me win!

5. "...spend more time with you, my family..."

"...I'll be at my painting table painting lenses and freehand banners - which makes me extra sensitive to vibrations transmitted through the floor or air (so DON'T TALK TO ME!)"

Also, note that spending time with you doesn't equal thinking about you or wanting interaction. The full extent of my awesome brain power must be diverted only to gaming thoughts and actions.

6. "...be more religious..."

"...I will double my prayers (and my sacrifices) to the dice gods for victory."

If you are a small animal, an annoying child, or the politician who stands shouting outside my station at 7.00 am  - watch out! 
The dice Gods care not which of you will end up on the sacrificial altar...(portable, breaks down into x6 2'x2' sections for easy storage)

7. "...I shall be a gentlemen in defeat..."

...should 2, 3, 4, and 6 above actually prove ineffective. Which surely cannot be possible!

Hopefully, all of these things will lead to a successful 2014 by helping me win a damn game of 40K! (or WFB, or any other system!)

;-)

And what about you, reader? Any New Year's gaming resolutions?

*Squeek*